


Fight the Good Fight

by cecelej



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alien Planet, Angst with a Happy Ending, Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Keith gets slapped, M/M, SHEITH - Freeform, a lil bit of fan service in here tbh, craters that make you complain and tell your secrets, it's totally canon, pre season two, there's nakey bois but it's not nsfw lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-11
Updated: 2017-01-11
Packaged: 2018-09-16 18:22:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9284216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cecelej/pseuds/cecelej
Summary: Keith and Shiro land on an alien planet filled with mysterious craters. Keith takes the time alone with Shiro to address the elephant in the room, their relationship. Shiro doesn't want to hear it.





	

The planet that they landed on was gaseous, but not altogether unpleasant. The smell of sulfur resided only along the edges of the craters that pocked one half of the planet. The other side of the planet was barren. It was murky and hot during the day, clouds of yellow and orange gas floating above, blotting out the sun. At night, it was dark, cold, and somehow sinister. It was like being back in the desert and reminded Keith of the time he’d spent in that shack, alone, searching. 

He turned to Shiro who was also surveying the land. Shiro ran a hand through his white bangs and sighed, his eyes falling on the red lion. Out of commission. It was crumpled on its side, all of its lights faded away. Keith huffed out a sigh too, moving his eyes back over the flat terrain. 

Sweat was already building on Shiro’s temple, his face still warm from looking over one of the boiling craters during his search. He hadn’t looked for too long, not knowing what resided inside or what kind of gasses were being secreted. 

“What were you thinking?” Shiro said just under his breath. Keith barely heard him. At first, he thought maybe he’d imagined it. 

“What?” Keith asked. 

Shiro ground his teeth together, trying to keep in every word that was threatening to breach his chapped lips. He tried. 

“What were you thinking?!” Shiro yelled, whirling around towards Keith. He had anger so deep in his eyes that Keith put his arms up in defense. “Going after Zarkon like that? Are you insane?” He kept walking toward Keith, all offence and aggression. Keith took a step back from Shiro who was advancing quickly. “Are you actually insane?!” Shiro bellowed. 

Keith’s eyes lit up, anger beginning to swell in his own body. He squared up, straightening his shoulders and positioning his feet to fight if it came to that. 

“I HAD HIM!” Keith yelled back, his hands turning to heavy fists. “I HAD HIM! It was my chance to end it once and for all!” 

Shiro stopped in front of Keith, so close that Keith had to look up to make eye contact.

“End it? Or end yourself? It was a suicide mission!” Shiro answered, his voice still raised. 

“I was doing what I had to do!” Keith shouted back. 

“You were being a hero! What did they teach us at the Garrison? Never abandon your team! Stick together! Don’t go looking for fights!” 

“And look how well that turned out for you!” Keith yelled back into Shiro’s face. Keith watched as the fight drained from Shiro’s eyes. It was Shiro who took a step back now, his body relaxing and releasing his adrenaline. 

The words had stung. Keith stepped back too, hanging his head and crossing his arms. The words had burned him too. 

“I’m doing what I have to do to make it right,” Shiro said, his voice lowered. 

“I was just trying to make it so that you didn’t have to,” Keith said. He gritted his teeth together, knowing he’d said too much. His face lit up in a blush. He felt lightheaded. He kept his head down.

Shiro looked back toward Keith. Under Keith’s thick bangs, Shiro could hardly make out any of his face. Shiro had all but forgotten what had fallen out of Keith’s lips last and instead harped on the dig that Keith had served him with. He wondered if Keith believed what he’d implied, that Shiro had gotten his crew killed. He hoped that Keith believed it. Keith was right, after all. Shiro hadn’t saved his team. He’d sent Matt away with only a vague idea of where the Galra soldiers would take him. If Matt was dead, that was on him. 

Those side comments always stuck to his ribs, weaving into them and stationing themselves there. They crawled up into his head at night, replaying in his mind when he couldn’t sleep. They were too personal, too tender. But It wasn’t the time to deal with that, they had a universe to save. He pushed it away, turning back to red. 

“We should gather supplies, try to fix Red,” Shiro said, leaving the comment, the whole conversation, to hang between them. 

Keith said nothing. He passed by Shiro without a second glance and made his way to Red. Shiro watched for a moment, noticing how Keith pressed his forehead to the beastly machine in a compassionate way. He was so uncharacteristically gentle sometimes and it made Shiro’s head spin.

 

/ /

 

They dragged a few crates from the red lion into the black lion. That’s where they would stay if they couldn’t get off the planet right away. The cockpit was just big enough for the both of them to roll out sleeping bags and get a few decent hours of sleep if it was needed. And it was. The two of them were exhausted down to the bone. But neither of them could give in to the temptation of sleep. They’d been torn apart from their team and their priority was getting off planet, not getting shut-eye. 

Shiro rooted through one of the crates, some freeze dried meals, a toolbox, and some spare parts that Keith had found. Keith said nothing, letting Shiro take inventory. 

“This is it?” Shiro asked. 

“That’s it,” Keith answered. “Does it look promising?” He was in the pilot seat, slouched back and watching Shiro. 

“Better than nothing,” Shiro responded. His voice was distracted. “But it doesn’t look good.” 

“We better get started then,” Keith said, slapping his hands to his knees and standing up. 

Shiro looked up at him from where he was crouched by the crate of odds and ends. He stood, bringing the box with him and resting it on his hip. 

“You should get some rest,” Shiro said. “Come get me in a few hours, we’ll go from there.” 

“I can help,” Keith said, anger jumping up into his voice again. 

“I know you can help,” Shiro said with a sympathetic smile. “But the best way to help me now is to get some sleep. We don’t know what, or who, is on this planet. So lets get the rest we need just in case we can’t get it later on.” 

“What about you? You don’t sleep anymore?” After he’d said it, Keith wished he could take it back. He knew about Shiro’s nightmares. He knew about the lack of sleep. He knew, but he still said it. He’d been so good about biting his tongue around Shiro, around the rest of the team. But all of his hard work to shut up was now unraveling. 

“I’ll see you in a few hours,” Shiro said with a smile before heading for the red lion. 

Keith curled up in the pilot chair and draped his sleeping bag over his shoulders. He wanted to stay up out of spite, but even in the upright chair, he found his eyelids falling heavily closed. He slept much easier than he would have liked to admit. 

 

/ / 

 

Shiro fell into work so easily that he had barely realized the passage of time. He only realized the darkening sky when he began squinting his eyes to see better into the mechanics of the Red Lion. It had been hours since he’d sent Keith to bed.

He wiped his hands on the soft black material of his suit and peered up toward the sky. The sun was nearly gone, sitting slantways on the crooked horizon of the planet. There were no stars, just dusty reflections of the sun’s light off of the yellowing clouds. 

He jumped when, suddenly, a light shone on the panel he’d been trying to repair. Beside him, Keith stood, holding a flashlight toward the machinery. 

“I thought this might help,” Keith said.

“Thanks,” Shiro said, returning to the work that he’d been doing. 

“How does it look?” Keith asked. Even though Keith wasn’t the best mechanic on the team, nor the best versed in the workings of alien technology, he could tell that it wasn’t good. 

“Getting better,” Shiro said, though Keith suspected it was a mighty stretch of the truth. 

The night stretched on in near silence. After a while, Keith realized that he could see their breath on the cold air. Their suits kept them almost warm, but there was still a slight shake to Shiro’s fingers as he attempted to re-attach some wires. 

Shiro swore when his hands stopped working together, his human hand shaking too much for his robotic hand to keep up. 

“We should call it a night,” Keith said and as much as Shiro wanted to keep working, he agreed. 

Inside the lion, Shiro laid out a sleeping bag. Even in the Black lion, the cold was seeping in. They had both stripped their uniforms of their cold armor. The tight black material of their suits would keep them warm enough as long as they stayed in their sleeping bags. 

“I’ll take first watch,” Keith said, lingering by the opening to the cockpit. 

“Keith, you don’t have to, the planet is completely desolate,” Shiro stated, but Keith shook his head. 

“I want to,” he said before turning to leave. 

Shiro waited in the dark, tucked into his sleeping bag. He waited for sleep. He waited for the nightmares. He waited for Keith to come back in. But none of that happened. A few times, he thought that his eyes had fallen shut, ready for sleep, but they always pried themselves back open. They were always ready for the fight. The problem was that there wasn’t one coming. 

Shiro watched as the sun rose, many hours later, through the windshield of the cockpit. He knew he should get up, put his armor back on, and relieve Keith of watch duty, but he couldn’t get himself up. He was too exhausted. He wanted to stand, but now, when he was ready to wake, his mind was turning off. His eyes were so heavy that he couldn’t push away sleep. It took over him like a drug and he slept dreamlessly. 

When Keith returned, the entrance of the cockpit slid open loudly, and the heat of the day’s sun followed him in. Shiro was right about the planet being desolate. Keith hadn’t seen so much as a germ cross his path in the hours that he’d been outside. He’d perched himself on Red’s large paw and fallen asleep against her embrace as the sun rose, breathing in the warmth. 

He’d expected Shiro to wake him, but when he woke on his own, no sign of Shiro, he went off to find him, worried something had happened. 

It was therapeutic to see Shiro sleeping so soundly. His face was relaxed and Keith recognized the boy he’d known before Shiro had been sent off to Kerberos. If it hadn’t been for the scar that marred his face, Keith could swear that none of it had happened, that they were sleeping in the bay of some borrowed Garrison ship, like old times. 

But the scar was there and Keith tore his eyes away. He didn’t want to wake Shiro, so he worked quietly, checking the monitors and seeing if they had received any distress signals. But everything was quiet. None of the others had reached them. Guilt dug into Keith’s stomach. It was his fault that they were torn apart. If Shiro hadn’t tried to rescue him, then maybe the rest of them would have gotten through the wormhole on time. Maybe Shiro would still be with them. 

“Anything?” Shiro asked from the floor, an arm thrown over his eyes to keep out the light. 

“No,” Keith answered. “Nothing.”

He turned back to Shiro, trying not to look at him the way he used to.

“Sleep okay?” He asked. 

“Surprisingly,” Shiro answered, looking up at Keith fondly. It was really hard not to look at him like he used to. Keith turned back to the monitors. “What time is it?” Shiro asked.

Keith shrugged. “A few ticks past noon, maybe. It’s hard to say.” 

Shiro nodded and pushed himself up onto his elbows. 

“We should get to work.” 

Keith nodded. 

“Hey, Keith?” Shiro asked before Keith could escape through the doors again. 

“Yeah?” 

“I’m sorry that I yelled at you. I know you were just doing what you thought was right. I was out of line,” Shiro said. His honest apology was humbling. 

“I shouldn’t have gone after him,” Keith admitted. “I just wanted it to be over.” 

“I know. Me too.” 

Keith nodded again before leaving Shiro in the cockpit once again. 

 

/ / 

 

The heat was getting to be too much. Even in only the thin, black, athletic suit, both Shiro and Keith were sweating heavily as they worked to find the solution to the red lion’s seemingly unending brokenness. Sweat dripped down their faces and soaked into their suits. Their faces were hot and red, the heat sitting heavily on the apples of their cheeks.

Keith finally couldn’t take it anymore. His face was glistening and the tools he held were slipping in his wet hands. The sun and smog were so hot and thick on his skin that he felt like he was burning. He reached for the zipper behind his neck and yanked it down. He sighed in pleasure when the air hit his sweaty back, feeling much cooler than it actually was. 

He peeled the dark suit down his body, letting the torso and sleeves dangle low around his waist. He shivered in pleasure at the heat’s release. He noticed Shiro looking at him, a blush creeping up over his face and ears. Keith couldn’t help but smile at the attention. 

“You’re hot,” Keith said and Shiro shot up, his pink blush turning red. 

“What?” Shiro asked. 

“You’re hot,” Keith said again. He motioned to the piece of his suit that was hanging down in front of him. “It doesn’t feel as bad when you take this heat trap off. It’s actually kind of nice.” 

“Oh,” Shiro, said with a nervous laugh. “Okay.” 

He followed Keith’s lead, reaching for the zip behind his neck and pulling the hot material away from his chest and off of his arms. Keith watched unabashedly, smiling at the relief on Shiro’s face. 

“You’re right,” Shiro said. “This is nice.” He felt nervous under Keith’s unwavering gaze so he quickly escaped the top half of his suit and went back to work. 

Keith hopped up beside him, sitting on Red’s paw and readying the next piece that Shiro would need to use. 

When they returned to the black lion, they broke off pieces of freeze dried food and laughed at the awful taste. It was all Altean food and they weren’t sure what it was supposed to taste like when it was fully hydrated, but they hoped it wasn’t this. Then, as the cold began crawling over them, they both crawled into their sleeping bags and slept like they had before, solidly and soundly. 

The next morning they checked for any signs of the others, then returned to work on Red. Keith took back his spot on Red’s paw, trying to stay one step ahead of Shiro to make the work go faster. 

The smog and gas on the planet was thicker today than it had been the days before. The heat was more stifling but with their suits rolled down low, it didn’t seem so bad. Keith had rolled his suit down to an almost obscene level, his hipbones jutting out of the material suggestively. He’d wanted to remove the suit completely, but Shiro had his suit pulled up to an almost respectable place and Keith didn’t want to overstep whatever new boundaries Shiro had set for them. 

Still, a playful air drifted between them now and again. Keith slid off Red’s paw, walking by Shiro to grab some different tools when the playful mood hit him. He grinned, barely keeping in a laugh as he reached over quickly and tugged at the sleeves of Shiro’s suit. The suit shifted down the slightest bit before Shiro was grabbing at it, keeping it pulled up, and whipping around to Keith. And now Keith wasn’t the only one grinning. Shiro possessed a devilish grin on his face, looking for revenge. 

He leapt after Keith who took a long side step to avoid Shiro’s grasp. A loud laugh peeled out of Keith as Shiro followed his sly footsteps and leaps. They’d cleared the space around the lions in their chase and were chasing each other closer and closer to the crater rich side of the planet. 

Shiro’s fingers grazed Keith’s sides again and again in the chase, but he was never quite close enough to catch the crafty red paladin. Keith’s skin raised with Goosebumps every time Shiro’s skin touched his and his anticipation for his eventual capture was causing ripples of laughter to join Shiro’s occasional chuckle. 

It wasn’t until Keith’s foot fell through the planet’s crusty exterior that they both realized the game they were playing was dangerous. Shiro leapt forward, his left hand landing hard on Keith’s arm and pulling him away from the opening crater and into his own chest. 

Keith didn’t have time to process the planet’s unstable surface before his skin was being pushed flush up to Shiro’s. Their hot skin stuck together with sweat and heat almost immediately. The crater’s orange gas floated up around them toward the sky. Keith’s hands held hard to Shiro’s hips for balance and his check pressed against Shiro’s neck. Before he could pull away, Shiro was doing the work for him, his hands falling away from Keith’s arms and taking several steps back. 

“Enough messing around,” Shiro said. He was trying to come off playful, but it sounded more like an order than anything else. “Let’s get back to work.” 

 

/ / 

 

Their conversations had been awkward after their chase. Shiro didn’t seem to want to talk at all and every conversation that Keith tried to start, Shiro shut down. Now, there was a lull, and Keith felt that familiar press to say something that he knew shouldn’t. He bit at his bottom lip, sucking it into his mouth and then biting down, as the need to speak grew stronger. 

He had never been one to need to fill a silence. He was very good at letting silence stretch, no matter how awkward it was. But the need to talk to Shiro was so strong that his teeth on his lips were close to drawing blood. He loosened his jaw when Shiro held a hand out to him for the wrench that he held. 

“Do you remember?” He blurted out as he handed Shiro the wrench. They both looked a little shocked before Shiro spoke.

“Remember what?” Shiro asked, moving his eyes back to the wire panel he was working on. If it hadn’t been for that surprised look he’d given, Keith might have believed the feigned innocence, his tone still good natured and curious. Keith picked up the tool beside him, a wire cutter, and began fiddling with it as he spoke. 

“You knew me,” Keith said. “After the crash. When you woke up, you said my name. You remembered me. But do you remember-”

“Now’s not the time, Keith,” Shiro said, his voice suddenly as heavy as a stone. He was closing the conversation. As much as Keith’s mind told his mouth to shut up, he still spoke. 

“We’re trapped on a deserted planet. No one is around. Now seems like the perfect time. Just tell me, do you remember?” Keith asked insistently. 

Shiro paused his work, looking down at the crooked machinery that was laid out before him. He rested his arms on the opening panel and thought about what he could say. The truth was, he wasn’t sure what to say. It was hard, sometimes, to trust his own memory, but about this, he was certain. He knew who Keith was, who Keith had been to him. But he also knew that the world was resting on their shoulders. He wouldn’t be anybody’s burden, especially not Keith’s. 

He didn’t know how to broach the subject. He didn’t know what to say that would be gentle and understood. He knew what he shouldn’t say though, he knew what would hurt Keith. ‘Tell him you don’t remember’ his own voice snarled in his head, as if it were amused by the idea. 

A bead of sweat dripped down his nose and he wiped it away before it had a chance to fall into the machine. He tried to ignore the familiar voice, but it was laughing somewhere deep in his mind. He went back to the parts, moving the wrench to tighten a screw. Keith watched as Shiro’s shoulders moved, tension gaining and slacking as he twisted the wrench. 

“Remember what?” He asked. He felt shame build like a ball of fire in his stomach. He couldn’t bear to look at Keith. Keith, who was sitting beside him, whose fingers had gone white on the wire cutter he’d been fiddling with, whose hair was standing up on the back of his neck. 

Keith knew that Shiro was lying. He could tell by Shiro’s tone, subdued and reluctant. He could tell by what he’d said ‘Now’s not the time, Keith.’ But that didn’t stop the sweat from running cold down his back or keep his heart beating double time in his chest and up his throat. 

‘Remember what?’ It was an evasive way of saying, ‘I remember, but I won’t acknowledge it,’ and Keith wanted to know why. But he wasn’t going to get anywhere with Shiro. Not now, not like this, and maybe not ever. 

He thought back to that shack, the time he’d spent alone, and how much he wished for the time back that Shiro and he had spent together. He thought back to the Garrison and all of the stupid shit he’d done in Shiro’s honor. He thought back to the days they’d spent in Shiro’s room before he left for Kerberos. At least then, he’d known where he stood with Shiro. Now, the ground beneath him seemed to quake with uncertainty and there was no guarantee that he would get his answers. 

He stood, sliding off of Red’s large paw. He was trying to keep everything pent up inside. He was trying desperately, but he was terrified that something was going to bubble out of his lips, again.

“That’s fine,” Keith said, his back to Shiro. His tone was surprisingly calm but even still, Shiro didn’t look to him. 

Keith’s hand burned around the wire cutter that he’d been holding. The sharp metal edges were crammed harshly onto his skin, so harshly that he wasn’t sure he hadn’t drawn blood. He flung the small metal object out of his hand, hurling it across the sandy wasteland. 

“THAT’S FINE!” He yelled into the distance.

He raked his hands through his dark hair. He could tell that the sticky wetness was a mix of sweat and blood. Still, he didn’t stop raking his hands through his hair until he’d reached the back of his head. There, his hands stilled, pulling hard at the long locks. He wanted to hit something, but there was nothing to hit. He wanted to yell at someone, but Shiro wasn’t the one to yell at. He was a brick wall and Keith’s words would never reach him. So he left, walking away from Shiro and the lions. 

He walked over the flat land and didn’t look back because he knew he’d see Shiro there. It was too large a plane to get out of Shiro’s line of vision in any direction. He could have gone to the black lion, but it was too much like the shack, alone and full of Shiro’s things. He didn’t want to see that. He wanted to be somewhere he’d never been, somewhere unfamiliar. Somewhere where he didn’t see the desert or feel the wretch of Shiro’s absence. He wanted to be with Pidge, or Hunk, or even Lance, for Christ’s sake. He just didn’t want to be faced with the fact that they both remembered, but Shiro wanted to forget. 

Shiro continued working, pushing through every bad feeling that swelled up from his chest and urged him to go toward Keith’s diminishing figure. But the farthest Shiro went was to retrieve the wire cutter that Keith had thrown. 

He didn’t look at Keith, who was crouched down beside one of the bubbling orifices on the planet. He didn’t wish he were there with him, exploring the alien planet playfully like they’d always thought they would do. He didn’t think about that. 

He pushed it away from his mind and turned back to the red lion. It was a piece of Voltron, the machine that would save the world. And he had to pilot that machine. He had to keep the team together and he had absolutely no time for thinking about Keith when the earth, and the rest of the know universe, was in his hands.

 

/ / 

 

Keith squatted down on the crusted edge of one of the boiling pits that the planet was half covered in. The liquid inside was a deep red, and when one of its boils rose to the surface and popped, it released a burnt orange colored gas that wrapped warmly around Keith and then rose quickly into the sky. Heat radiated off of it, making his face sweat more than the sun did. He kept his suit folded down, sweat trickling down his body rapidly. He watched for more signs of what the roiling goo was. 

Night came on quickly, and he knew he should be getting back. He’d thrown a glance back at the lions, but Shiro was no longer standing out there. He was no longer working on the lions. Keith stood in a panic, looking toward the black lion’s eyes. And there he was. Shiro was resting by the control panels, probably searching the skyways for more signs of the others. He was just a silhouette in the window, but Keith could tell by his hulking frame that it was, in fact, him. 

He turned back to the goo. Since the sun had set and Keith had looked away, a black crust had formed over top of it. No more bubbles came to the surface. His eyebrows creased at the sudden change. The heat had completely halted. In fact, the crater felt like it was giving off cold air. 

He reached forward, curious about the hard, cold top of the crater. Gently, he touched his fingers to the black surface. 

 

/ / 

 

“FUCK! FUCK FUCK FUCK!” 

Shiro’s head popped up from the screen that he was focused on when he heard Keith’s yelling. It was close. He looked out the window to see Keith running toward the lions, just barely a shadow in the darkening night. He had his hand clutched to his chest. 

“Keith!” Shiro called, running to the exit of his lion. Keith was still running, but it was clear he was making his way to Red. “Keith, what happened!?” Shiro yelled, not wanting to leave his lion if they were under attack and had to make a hasty exit. He wasn’t looking forward to transporting the red lion like he’d done on their way to this planet, but he would do it if he had to. 

Keith stopped short of his lion’s mouth and shouted back. 

“I FUCKING BURNED MYSELF!” He called before continuing into his lion. 

Shiro paused, not expecting that sentence at all. Then he jumped out of his lion and headed for Keith’s. 

He was just barely in the cockpit when he heard Keith. 

“Get out,” Keith said roughly. 

“Keith, let me help,” Shiro said, stepping closer to Keith who sat hunched over in the pilot’s seat. Shiro noticed that Keith was wrapping his hand messily in a bandage and he knelt before him, ready to take over. 

“GET OUT!” Keith said again, his voice bellowing through the quiet cockpit. 

Shiro sat back on his heels, the shock of Keith’s anger shaking his bones. He’d never heard Keith yell like that. 

“Keith,” Shiro began, softly.

“Stop saying my name like that and leave!” Keith yelled. 

Touching the dark pit had surged him into overdrive, sparking memories he’d locked out for too long and making him want to spew all of his thought onto Shiro. Shiro, who was kneeling before him, eyes looking up at him in compassionate wonder. God, that look was going to kill him. Keith had seen it a million times before, when Shiro used to nuzzled his face up against his thighs. 

“I don’t want to see you like that!” Keith said, motioning to Shiro where he was knelt between Keith’s knees. Seeing him like that made him want so much more. He ached for any kind of contact from Shiro. He wanted to remind him of their tender past, but it wasn’t his place. 

Shiro quickly stood, his face flushing. 

“I just want to help,” Shiro said weakly. 

“I can take care of myself,” Keith grumbled, fighting with the bandage to stay flat before giving up and continuing to wrap his hand with the uncomfortable twist. He pinned it closed and held it up. “See? I’ve got it.” 

“What happened?” Shiro asked. 

Keith sighed heavily, giving up on the idea of Shiro leaving him alone. 

“I stuck my hand into one of those craters,” Keith said. 

“Why?” Shiro asked. 

“I just fucking did, okay?” 

“Fine,” Shiro sighed. “Come on, it’s getting cold in here.” He made his way toward the exit but Keith didn’t move. 

In his head, Keith was replaying every night they’d ever spent together. The past few nights were nothing like those other times and he couldn’t take it any longer. He couldn’t lie near Shiro and not be able to touch him. He was sick to his stomach thinking of the disconnect between them now. 

“Keith, come on. We should get some sleep,” Shiro said.

“I’ll sleep here,” Keith said. His voice seemed hollow. 

“You can’t sleep here,” Shiro said, exasperated. “The doors aren’t sealing. You’ll freeze.” 

“I’ll be fine.”

“You’ll die,” Shiro demanded. 

Every day that Keith thought Shiro was dead raced through his mind, everything empty except for that feeling of loss he’d carried with himself like the heaviest set of skin anyone had ever had to hold. 

Keith didn’t answer and his silence scared Shiro. 

“Keith!” He said again, his voice stern and cold. 

“Red wants me here,” Keith lied. 

This made Shiro pause. 

“What?” He asked. “You can feel the connection again?” 

“Yeah,” Keith said, another lie. He didn’t feel anything. He just wanted Shiro to leave him alone. 

“That’s great!” Shiro said. “We should keep working then, if you hold the flashlight-”

“Red wants you to leave,” Keith said, cutting Shiro off. 

For a beat they waited in silence and Keith could tell that Shiro was hurt. He willed himself not to care. If Shiro could lie, than Keith could lie too. 

“Okay,” Shiro said, stepping back. “But if you get cold, come back. Okay?” 

Keith nodded but didn’t say anything else. He listened as Shiro’s footsteps disappeared out of the red lion. 

“Red,” Keith whispered to the lion. “I really want to go back now. I can’t be alone with him anymore. I can’t keep saying stupid shit to him. I can’t keep asking so much of him.” 

For a moment, he thought he felt the machine thrumming beneath him, but he’d lost the feeling as soon as he tried to grasp it. Instead, he sat, lonely, in the cold room and stared out over the landscape, his eyes feeling heavy as rocks. 

 

/ / 

 

Shiro couldn’t sleep. He kept peaking out toward the red lion, wondering if Keith was making any progress, if he was okay or if he was getting cold. The dark cockpit worried him, but it was Keith’s lion. And if it didn’t want Shiro there, he wouldn’t barge back in. 

Hours had passed and Shiro sat in the pilot chair, his sleeping bag wrapped around him as he watched the dark windshield of the red lion. No lights or sounds had emitted from it, no motion. It was still and quiet and despite his worry, he found his eyes falling heavily closed. He fought to keep them open, but they dipped closed until, eventually, they stayed that way. 

 

/ / 

 

Keith shivered in his chair. He’d curled up on himself, wrapping his arms around his knees. His breath came out in cold puffs. He couldn’t feel his face. His teeth chattered painfully, his jaw clenching tight against the cold.   
The cold was making it hard to think and easier to sleep. His hazy eyes were falling closed steadily. He didn’t bother forcing them open. He could feel his lips chapping up in the cold, dry air. He let them crack as he spoke in whispers to Red. If he couldn’t tell Shiro all the words that were bound up inside of him, Red would have to do. 

She didn’t acknowledge him. 

His head lolled to the side, the chill from his cold cheek soaking through his skintight suit. He was falling asleep. 

“Red, please,” Keith said, his voice barely escaping into the cold cockpit. A single tear rolled down his cheek, slipping through his long eyelashes and feeling like liquid sunshine on his cold skin. “I want to leave this place.” 

Red stayed silent and Keith fell asleep. 

 

/ / 

 

Shiro jerked awake. The sound of metal on metal, grinding together and screaming into the silent night, scared him to standing. He stood at attention, his hand glowing and lighting the cabin with a searing purple light. 

When he saw that the Black Lion’s cockpit was still empty around him, he looked over to Red and saw where the noise had come from. Her head was bowed to the ground where before she had stood tall. 

Shiro threw caution to the wind, dashing out of the Black Lion and toward Red. Red gave her second sign of life when she welcomed Shiro in without resistance but Shiro barely registered it. He ran to the tilted cockpit in search of Keith.

Keith was on the ground, his small body curled against the base of a control board. He’d been thrown from the pilot’s seat when Red had bowed her head. ‘An attempt to wake him up?’ Shiro thought, but wasn’t sure. It didn’t seem quite right. 

Keith’s face was peaceful and his body was relaxed. It was a sight Shiro wasn’t familiar with. Even when Keith slept peacefully, his eyebrows and the corners of his mouth were always turned down, just slightly. Shiro didn’t know what it meant for Keith to looking so serine. It shot bolts of worry down to his stomach.

Shiro slid down the slanted floor and knelt beside Keith. He pulled the boy into his arms and shuttered at the sheer cold that rolled off Keith’s skin. 

“Keith,” Shiro said, shaking Keith lightly. “Keith, wake up.”

Keith tossed his head to the side, his eyebrows turning down. Shiro caught his breath, if only slightly, at that sign of consciousness. 

“Keith,” Shiro said again. “Red is moving, please get up. She’s calling to you.” 

Keith moved his head back toward Shiro’s warm chest. His movements were slow and tired. He opened his eyes, bleary and unfocussed, to look at Shiro. 

“She’s not calling to me,” Keith sighed, sounding sad and lonely, but not bitter. “She was calling out to you. You heard her. She wants you.” 

At that, the red lion’s panels began a soft red glow. Shiro was shocked, turning his head to see her display. 

“She was never mine,” Keith continued, his eyes falling back to a close. 

“That’s not true,” Shiro said, grabbing hold of Keith’s jaw and jostling it lightly so his eyes bounced back open. “You found her. She woke up for you. You piloted her to us!” Shiro demanded, looking into Keith’s eyes fiercely. 

“You told me where to find her. You told me how. She woke up for you,” Keith said calmly, his eyes falling closed again. “She followed me out, so she could be closer to you.”

“Wake up!” Shiro demanded, gripping Keith’s cheeks and giving his face another gentle shake. Keith swatted his hand away. 

“I want to sleep,” Keith said, his voice sliding closer to sleep. 

“Come on,” Shiro said, heaving Keith into his arms and standing. He cradled Keith in his arms like a bride, but Keith’s head dangled, near unconsciously. 

“Careful,” Keith’s wispy voice warned, “if you carry me over that threshold, you might not remember me on the other side.” Keith’s tired voice was supposed to be coated in spite but it fell flat and never left monotone. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Shiro said as he began carrying Keith to the warmer Lion. 

“You know,” Keith said. 

 

/ / 

 

Inside the Black Lion’s cockpit, Shiro set Keith onto one of the plush sleeping bags. He yanked the zipper of Keith’s suit down his back, stripping the boy quickly. 

“What are you doing?” Keith said lazily, coving his bare chest with one limp hand. 

Shiro reached back, undoing his own suit and stripping himself of it. He reached for the other sleeping bag and zipped them together around Keith in one swift motion. Then he was climbing in the bag beside Keith. 

“What are you doing?” Keith said again but there was no force behind his voice, and his eyes were still closed. 

“Body heat,” Shiro explained. “I’m trying to warm you up.” 

Keith laid still as Shiro pulled their bodies together. They laid like that, completely naked and pressed against one another for a long time before Keith’s head began to catch up with what was happening. 

His body had begun to shake violently from the cold and he tugged closer to Shiro’s body, pressing his icy cheeks against Shiro’s burning skin. Shiro held him tighter, resting his chin on top of Keith’s cold hair. 

Keith was nearly delirious with the heat of Shiro’s body. He began to thaw from his fingertips inward until his whole chest was alight with the fire of Shiro’s warmth. He laid his head firmly against Shiro’s chest for what would be the last time. This was his last excuse. It was the last time Shiro would ever hold him.

“So, you don’t love me anymore,” Keith whispered. He’d given up on trying to keep his mouth shut. This planet was playing with him. He wasn’t sure if it was whatever the planet’s porous surface was spilling into the sky or just the proximity and privacy with Shiro that made his filter disappear, but he was done fighting it. He needed to know. He just wanted an answer. 

“Not now, Keith,” Shiro demanded solemnly. 

“Then when?” Keith asked. “Because I can’t live my whole life wondering and I don’t want to die not knowing.”

“You’re not going to die,” Shiro answered. 

“Not right now, no, but someday, probably sooner than later. We’re fighting a war, Shiro, and soldiers die.” 

Keith was talking through chattering teeth, his body still cold and pressed flush up against Shiro’s.

“Not you,” Shiro said, gravel deep in his voice when he pushed the answer through closed teeth. 

“Me. Hunk, Lance, Pidge. And you,” Keith mumbled slowly. “We might all die for this. I know you’ve thought about it, going up in a blaze of glory, Black Lion’s cockpit burning up around you as we take out Zarkon. I know you’ve thought about it, because we all have.” 

“Stop it,” Shiro said, but his fingers were still tight on Keith’s cold skin. 

“I just want to know,” Keith said. “I don’t want to be in the dark if something like that happens. I want to know that I lived for something that was worth living for. You and the rest of the guys, you all have something to fight for, Shiro. You all have something to live for. All I’ve ever had was you. Just let me know if I still have something to fight for or if I’m just fighting the good fight.” 

“Not now,” he said again. 

“Just tell me,” Keith said, looking up at Shiro for the first time since he’d been carried out of the Red Lion. “Please, Shiro. I need to know where I stand with you. If not for me, then for Voltron. I need to know who I am to you if I’m going to form Voltron with you. I need to know who I am.” 

A silence stretched out between them. Shiro looked away, unsure of what to say to the boy in his arms. It felt so familiar, so safe, to hold him tight like that, to have their skin pressed together and their breath so close. He remembered every line of Keith’s body. The only difference in his body was the length of his hair, falling past his ears, in need of a haircut. 

He finally looked back into the cold eyes that met his and he almost lost the words that he’d wanted to say. 

“I,” He paused. He shouldn’t say it. He shouldn’t say anything. 

‘Tell him,’ that familiar voice spoke again in Shiro’s head. 

“I don’t love you anymore,” Shiro said with a confidence that almost made him believe it. 

Every muscle in Keith’s body tightened. The words were like a gut punch and he had to remind himself that he could still breathe. 

“Okay,” Keith said. He pulled away from Shiro, sitting up in the sleeping bag and reaching for his black suit. 

“That’s it?” Shiro asked. “You’re so desperately in love with me, and I tell you I don’t love you, and you say ‘okay’? That’s all you have to say?” 

Keith shrugged as he pulled his suit up around himself, pulling the zipper in the back up to his neck. He was still cold, but the sun was rising outside, and he would warm up faster out there anyway. 

“What else is there to say?” He asked. He was calmer than Shiro had expected. He’d expected rage and tantrum and anything besides the calmness that existed in Keith like it was second nature. “You don’t love me. There’s nothing I can do about that. No point in trying.” 

Shiro watched as Keith left the cockpit and stepped into the planet’s warm embrace. It felt like Keith had taken every ounce of Shiro’s calmness with him as he left. Shiro felt like his whole body was bubbling with words unsaid. 

He shimmied into his own tight suit and stalked out of his lion after Keith. 

 

/ / 

 

Keith felt calmer than he had this whole trip. He wasn’t mad at himself for going after Zarkon. He wasn’t mad at Shiro for ignoring him or brushing off his questions. He wasn’t mad anymore. He peered into a panel on Red’s hind leg that was letting off sparks of electricity. 

“Don’t touch that!” Shiro’s voice came. He was the one who sounded angry now. 

Keith looked up at Shiro who was jogging toward him. He nodded, stepping away. 

Shiro shouldered his way to the red lion. She seemed to purr under his touch as he put his hands on her injured panel.

“What are you going to do with two lions?” Keith asked, no edge or spite to his voice. 

“I don’t have two lions,” Shiro snapped back. “Red is yours. She’s always been yours.” 

Keith rolled his eyes. 

“You’re mad now,” Keith said, less of a question than it was a statement.

“No,” Shiro lied. His voice was still sharp and angry. He was mad. The problem was, he didn’t know why he was mad.

“Did you want me to fight for you? If you don’t love me then there’s no reason to fight anymore. We all fight enough as it is. I’m tired,” Keith said. His voice was still that casual calmness that was quickly filling Shiro to the brink with agitation. 

“I don’t want you to fight for me! I never wanted you to fight for me!” Shiro barked back, whipping his head away from red and toward Keith. Keith didn’t so much as flinch. “I want you to not make stupid, rash decisions. I want you on earth. I want you to just shut the fuck up for ten minutes!”

Shiro turned back to red, resting his hands on her, staring into the panel, but no longer working. He’d never talked that way to anyone, not ever, yet it came out of his mouth so naturally. He caught a glimpse of a memory, a flash of yellow-gold eyes, a name. Kuro. His breath caught in his throat. 

And just like that, the calmness had left Keith. His body was warming up in the hot planets atmosphere now and his cheeks began burning with angry embarrassment. He grit his teeth together. ‘Hurt him,’ a voice much like his own hummed in his ear. ‘Break him.’ 

“Yes, sir,” Keith said, through gritted teeth. “Champion,” he added coldly. The name felt like copper in his mouth. He saluted Shiro with a lazy wrist, his eyes cast to the side. He wasn’t looking at Shiro when the cold, metal hand spun out, cracking along Keith’s jaw, and knocking him to the sandy ground. 

This time, the taste of copper was real as blood welled up in his mouth like a popped blister. He looked up in horror as Shiro advanced toward him. Keith scuffled back, trying to put space between them, but Shiro knelt beside him, gripping tightly to one of his scurrying legs, locking him in place.

“You want to know the Champion, Keith?” Shiro asked, his voice cold and calculated. 

That voice scooted back into Keith’s head, it’s amused tone egging Keith on. 

“Me against the Champion?” Keith asked coldly. “An easy kill for a hunter like yourself.” 

Keith watched as Shiro’s cold façade crumpled into a queasy look. He stood so quickly that Keith barely registered it. Before Keith could crawl back up to his feet, Shiro was beside him again, pressing a cloth against his bleeding lip. 

“I’m sorry,” Shiro said. “I don’t know what came over me.” 

Keith took the cloth from Shiro roughly. 

“Forget about it,” he said, bitterness on his tone. He knew what he was saying. He meant to say it. He licked at the trickle of blood that was spilling into his mouth as Shiro backed away, submitting again to Red. 

They stood in silence for much too long and finally Keith decided that he didn’t have to be there any longer. There was more for him to do than sulk and watch Shiro. 

 

/ / 

 

Inside the black lion, Keith toyed with the monitors and communication devices. He couldn’t read the alien language that was laid out before him, but the black lion seemed to be offering him some help in the navigation department. He felt like they were getting somewhere, working together for some kind of clues of life outside of their new gas planet. 

A spiral of dots appeared in random on the screen, giving quick coordinates, then flickered out. Four dots, for three lions and a castle. In a panic, Keith worked to get the coordinates to appear again. The black lion seemed to help, guiding his fingers from one button to another. 

Soon, he had the navigations back up. This time, they stayed bold and bright on the screen. They were all labeled, miraculously, in English. ‘Orange’ and ‘Blue’ were to one side. ‘Together,’ Keith thought in relief. They were on the move, too, headed toward the dot labeled ‘Castle of Lions.’ Pidge was off alone, their dot unmoving. Worry stuck in Keith’s stomach. 

He pulled a menu from the screen, begging the Black lion to help him communicate to the Green Lion. Before he could finish his task of rearranging settings and menus and buttons, his screen fizzed to life with something new. Lance’s face. 

“Keith!? Keith!” Lance said excitedly. “Oh man am I glad to see you!” 

“Lance, Pidge is alone. Due west,” Keith began, barking out orders. 

“We know,” Lance interrupted. “Allura is the only one who has made contact with her. We’re on our way to Allura to get the castle up and running, then to Pidge. They’re alone, but not in danger,” Lance looked at his screen, noticing the label that Keith’s line of communication was coming from. “You’re in the black lion. Where’s Shiro?” He asked, his voice quivering with worry. 

“He’s fine. He’s trying to patch up Red as we speak. Listen, I don’t know if we’re gonna be able to get her out of here. She won’t fly for me.” 

“You tell Allura that?” 

“You’re the only one I’ve been able to contact.” 

“I’ll let her know. Is your connection stable?” Lance asked. 

“Seems to be, but that could change. There’s something weird about this planet. I don’t know what it is. But it’s been messing with us.” 

“Messing with you?” Lance asked. “Messing with you like how?”

“Listen, we’re going to stay put for now. You guys make your way here after you get Pidge. You got that? Get Pidge first. Then come to us. If we mobilize before then, we’ll follow the Castle of Lions. I’ve got your navigations pretty clear so we’ll be able to find each other. Got it?” 

“Yes, sir, Keith-sir,” Lance said, giving a fake-y salute. “Over and out.”

Keith shut off the monitor. His stomach tightened when he realized he’d have to go tell Shiro that he’d made contact. 

He felt at his lip, glad that Lance hadn’t mentioned the crusty trail of blood or the bruise that was no doubt blooming over the side of his face. 

Underneath his feet, he felt the Black lion purr in encouragement. Something was changing. 

 

/ / 

 

Shiro was mumbling angrily to the red lion, unable to stop the flow of words that was spilling from his mouth. He hadn’t talked this much since he’d been in the Galaxy Garrison, or ever, for that matter, and yet here he was, talking a mile a minute to a machine. The only reassurance he got that he wasn’t talking to himself was the light humming of the lion below his fingertips. 

The repairs were coming along much easier now. Somehow, without Keith there, the red lion seemed to be doing plenty of work on her own. Panels that had once been zapping bouts of electricity from their wires were no longer a problem. She now moved without the horrifying metal on metal sounds. One moment, she’d be resting her head low, and the next, Shiro would look up and she’d be standing tall and proud, all without Shiro hearing a thing. 

“Shiro,” Keith called and a zap of electricity sparked out onto Shiro’s human hand. He pulled it back in shock and Red went cold and rigid like she had been under Keith’s care. 

“What?” Shiro grumbled, wiping his stinging hand on his folded over suit as Keith approached.

“I reached Lance,” Keith answered flatly, leaning up against Red’s paw. Had that not been the news that Keith was carrying, Shiro would have told him to back off of Red, but it was the news and Shiro perked up instantly, his dreary mood lifting immediately.

“Lance? Is he okay? Has he seen anyone else? Is everyone okay?” Shiro asked in a rush of worried relief. 

“Everyone’s fine,” Keith said. 

“Why didn’t you tell me? “ Shiro said, his mood switching back to anger. “You had him on the line and you didn’t tell me? Did they already have a plan? Are they coming to get us? Did you even ask?” 

This type of accusatory rambling wasn’t like Shiro but it wasn’t Keith’s place to notice those things anymore. 

“As great as its been spending the last few days with you, I actually did tell them to come get us. Believe it or not,” Keith said sarcastically. He focused on his fingernails, peeling grit out from beneath them. 

“Funny,” Shiro said back, just as flatly. “How long until they get here?” Shiro asked. 

“They had to mobilize the castle and go help Pidge. I’m not sure how long that will take. I told them if we get Red up and flying before they get here, we’ll meet them.” 

“Do you have their coordinates?” Shiro asked. From the cold tone of his voice, Keith knew that Shiro thought he didn’t have them. 

“No, I’m just going to go on lion magic and dumb luck,” Keith said, his tone still sarcastic and cold.

“Well, it wouldn’t surprise me,” Shiro grumbled. “It wouldn’t be the first time.” 

“Yes. I have their coordinates,” Keith said sternly. 

“Good. Because I’ll have red fixed up by tomorrow,” Shiro said more quickly than Keith had anticipated. Keith stood up taller, no longer resting on Red. 

“You. . . you will?” Keith asked in disbelief. He rested a palm on the sentient beast and it let out a loud metallic groan. 

“As long as you stay out of our hair, yeah,” Shiro said.

Keith was silent, trying to think of something to say, but for once, nothing was coming up. Red was his lion, as much as the mighty beast fought him, they were supposed to be together on this. 

“I think you were right,” Shiro said. “Red’s really was calling to me. Think you can fly the Black lion?” Shiro asked. He sounded much lighter, like he wasn’t angry at all. ‘It’s because he’s asking a favor,’ a voice reminded Keith. 

“I don’t think I can fly Black. I know I can. I could fly anything,” Keith said but it wasn’t cockiness. He sounded bored of the fact as turned and walked back toward the Black Lion. 

 

//

 

Shiro could still smell the planet’s gaseous heat on him. Long before the sun had set, a new boil had broken through the planet’s surface at Shiro’s feet. He’d worked with the boil pouring too-warm gas on him, too afraid to try and move Red before she was ready. Plus, they’d been on the planet this long, if those gasses were bad for humans, they hadn’t shown any signs of it yet. He pulled his sleeping back up farther over his shoulders, trying to block out the smell where it lingered on his space suit. 

He wished that he were still out working on Red. His thoughts were going a mile a minute and he wished he had someone to vent them to. He turned his head, his eyes meeting the back of Keith’s head. 

God, he wanted to talk to Keith. But he wouldn’t wake him up, not when he looked so calm. His shoulders were rising and falling under his sleeping bag and his hair was no doubt sprawled over his face and falling into his mouth.

Shiro rolled onto his side, his sleeping bag shuffling with every move he made. 

“Stop moving,” Keith mumbled. He didn’t sound nearly sleepy enough for him to have just woken. ‘Keith can’t sleep either’, Shiro thought, ‘I might as well say something to him.’

“Do you remember when I left for Kerberos?” Shiro asked, staring at the back of Keith’s head. “Do you remember what I said to you?” Shiro watched as Keith’s shoulders seemed to slump closer to the floor. 

“No,” Keith whispered. “Go to bed.” 

“I said, ‘Don’t do anything stupid while I’m away,’” Shiro said. 

“I remember. Go to bed,” Keith said again. 

“You must have done a lot of stupid shit,” Shiro said. His voice was impossible to read and Keith wanted to avoid another fight. He just wanted it to be sunrise, so Shiro could put the finishing touches on red and they could get the hell off of the suffocating planet. 

“I did. Now, please go to bed.” 

“You got kicked out of the Garrison,” Shiro said. 

“I did.”

“You ran away from it.”

“I did.” 

“You got caught up in all of this Voltron bullshit.”

“I did.” 

“Why didn’t you listen to me? Why didn’t you stay put? Then you’d be safe on earth,” Shiro said. There was sadness in his voice. 

“You can’t disobey someone who’s dead, Shiro. And you were dead,” Keith sighed. 

“But you didn’t believe that,” Shiro pushed. 

Keith wanted to agree. He wanted to say that he always knew in his heart that Shiro was alive. But it wasn’t true. He felt so detached from Shiro that he would have sworn Shiro was dead. Gone forever. He’d only started searching because there was nothing left to do. 

“Well, it doesn’t matter what I did or thought. No one is safe on earth anyway. No one is safe anywhere anymore,” Keith sighed.

“They’re safe with me up here,” Shiro said solemnly. 

“You can’t take Zarkon out on your own. Voltron can’t even take him out on it’s own,” Keith sighed. He was still facing the opposite wall, refusing to turn and look at Shiro.

“I started this. I’m going to finish it,” Shiro said. 

“You didn’t start anything. This war was going on thousands of years before you were even born,” Keith said, exasperated by Shiro’s gung-ho attitude. 

“I was taken by Zarkon. I am going to take from him what he took from me,” Shiro said, sitting up in his sleeping bag. 

Keith finally rolled over to face him. Shiro could just barely see Keith’s dark eyes glinting in the dark cockpit. 

“An arm?” Keith asked defiantly. 

“A life,” Shiro corrected through gritted teeth.

“He didn’t take your life,” Keith said. “You’re still here.”

“I’m alive but I will never be the same as I was before!” Shiro barked out. 

“No. You won’t. Now, stop talking and go to bed,” his voice was level as ever and he turned back away from Shiro. 

“I don’t want you to fight for me! I never wanted you to fight for me!” Shiro said, moving on to another line of dialogue that had been floating in his head. “And I never will. When you went for Zarkon like that, I don’t know what I would have done with myself if you hadn’t come back! I really don’t.” 

“I do,” Keith said, and his sad confidence calmed Shiro. 

“What?” Shiro asked.

“You would’ve gone on. You would’ve fought. You would’ve saved the world. That’s your destiny now, ‘the lone soldier.’ Isn’t it?” 

There was a pause. Shiro didn’t know what to say. 

“I just don’t want you to do that again,” Shiro said finally. “I need you to plan more. To think things out.”

“You don’t get to ask that of me,” Keith said. 

“Why?! Because we’re not fucking?” And there it was, out in the open, ripping at Keith’s chest like dirty claws, carving gashes in all his fleshy organs. He couldn’t answer, so Shiro continued to speak. “I’m still a part of your team. I still get a say in your choices. It just happens that we’re not together anymore!” 

“Stop. Please.” 

 

/ / 

 

“What do you think, girl?” Shiro asked, patting lovingly at Red’s interior. Every screen was lit up. She was responding to him. She was ready to move. Red purred under his soft attention. “You ready to get out of here?”

As an answer, the communication screens between the red and black lions popped onto screen. Keith sat in the pilots seat, slouched down, looking bored. 

“You ready?” Shiro asked, raising the power levels in his lion. 

“Born ready,” Keith said back. He tried not to put any hostility in his voice. After all, if they got off of this planet, they’d be reunited with everyone else and the history between them would forever be erased. If they died in this war, no one would ever know the bond that they’d shared. No one would ever know the broken heart that bled in the red paladin’s chest. “Let’s go.” 

 

/ / 

 

Keith sat in his bed aboard the castle of lions. He was rubbing a towel through his freshly showered hair, drops of cool water falling onto his bare shoulders. 

Upon return to the ship, he’d answered everyone’s questions and got answers of his own. He slept for a few hours before finally washing a few days worth of gas and sand and dust off of himself in the showers. 

Hunk had asked about his bruised face. Shiro had looked away as Keith explained that it was left over from his fight with Zarkon. He hadn’t hesitated in the lie and nobody had reason not to believe him.

There was a certain relief in being back on the Castle of Lions. Keith was surrounded by his friends. He had comfortable sleeping quarters. He had food goo and plenty of water. He was clean. The temperature was constant. He wasn’t alone with Shiro anymore. 

But, he wasn’t alone with Shiro anymore. That part of his life was truly over now. There wasn’t any time now to fight and talk and push. There were no more chances. Shiro was Shiro. That was it. And Keith was Keith. And they were separate entities, forever and always from this point on. 

And it wasn’t so bad. Yes, his chest ached with that loss but there’d been that gap in his heart since Shiro was pronounced dead. He was given hope when Shiro came back to earth, but now, that too, was gone. But, he wasn’t suffocating on his loss anymore and he wasn’t reeling in unspoken words like he was on that horrid planet. He wasn’t choking to keep in stupid things he wanted to say or listening to a phantom voice in his head that sounded so detached from himself. And Shiro wasn’t either. He could tell that they both burned with shame over the whole ordeal. It was the planet and it’s gaseous boils that had changed them for the worse. Or maybe it was for the better, now that Keith wasn’t hanging on. 

Either way, his head felt cool and clear like it hadn’t since he’d gotten to that planet. He hadn’t even realized how confused and pent up that place had made him feel until they’d left it’s atmosphere in their Lions. 

A small knock came at Keith’s door. No one ever knocked on his door. He looked up at the door, puzzled, before standing and watching it slide open. 

Shiro stood on the other side. His gaze was fixed on the floor, as if something interesting was happening between his feet. 

“Shiro,” Keith greeted, warmer than he’d intended and he kicked himself for that. ‘He doesn’t want that anymore,’ Keith reminded himself. 

“Can I come in?” Shiro asked, raising his eyes to Keith’s for the first time in what felt like forever. They were so clear and calm and, something else, bashful. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Keith said, his voice betraying him again and just barely escaping in a whisper. 

“I remember. Everything about us, about what we were, about who we were,” Shiro confessed. “I remember and I’m sorry that I acted like I didn’t.” 

Keith stood in the doorway, stunned. He’d wanted this. He really, really wanted this. So why did it feel so different, so wrong? Why did it still feel like Shiro was pushing him away? 

“I can’t be with you,” Shiro said, urgency in his eyes but such regret in his words. 

Again, Keith felt stunned. Twice in a row it rooted him in place. But he didn’t look away from Shiro. 

“Then why are you here?” Keith asked, his cheeks reddening. He felt like Shiro was just there to make him feel stupid, to rub it in his face. 

“Because, I,” Shiro paused, at a loss for words. “I don’t know.” 

“I waited for you, out in that desert, searching for you. I thought you were dead and was still looking for you because I didn’t even know who I was without you. I didn’t know who I was supposed to be, or where I was going. I was just doing what I thought would bring me to you. I did all that, and you can’t even tell me why you don’t love me anymore?” 

It was Shiro’s turn now to be shocked. He sucked in a gasp at Keith’s words.

“Keith, that wasn’t me! I, it was that planet. I don’t know how it got in my head like that! But I do love you! I do still love you and I will always love you!” Shiro said, the urgency overflowing to his words.

“Bullshit,” Keith said, turning away from the door to sit down on his bed. He was so tired all of a sudden. Tired from fighting against the universe, tired of fighting Shiro, tired of doing the only thing he had left, fighting. 

“I love you so much. I’ve loved you since I first saw you. I loved you since before Kerberos, and I loved you while I was being held by the Galra, and I loved you every second that I’ve been back. But I can’t hurt you again. I can’t give myself to you if someone is going to take me away,” Shiro said, his voice cracking. 

“No one could take you from me,” Keith said, turning to Shiro with a fierceness in his eyes that Shiro had almost forgot. When they’d left the gas planet, Keith had been empty and Shiro had been angry. It was all they seemed to remember of each other after their time there. 

“The Galra Empire already did,” Shiro demanded. 

“You came back.”

“And I might not next time,” Shiro said, his eyebrows turning down. His voice was soft, but he was frustrated that Keith wouldn’t try to grasp the argument. He was frustrated that Keith was still trying. He wanted Keith to give up. He wanted him to give up and find someone who wasn’t a time bomb. 

“I don’t care!” Keith said, jumping up from his bed to face Shiro. “I don’t give a shit if we have ten years or ten minutes, I just want you! I don’t want to leave here without you, but if I do, I do not want to regret the time we didn’t spend together! I want to have you when I can still have you! Why don’t you understand that?!” 

“I can’t hurt you again! You gave up everything to find me and you didn’t even think I was alive!” Shiro yelled back. “I won’t do that to you again! I won’t take everything from you again!” 

Keith pushed forward, pressing his lips hard against Shiro’s. If this was it, if this was the end of it all, he was getting a kiss out of the man he loved. 

He so surprised when Shiro kissed him back, that he pulled back with a gasp. 

“I’m sorry,” Shiro said, stepping farther out of the open door and into the hallway. “I shouldn’t have,” he began, but Keith’s hands, fisted in his shirt, stopped his train of thought. 

“If you leave me like this, you’re taking everything from me again. You’re hurting me again. But this time, you’re choosing to hurt me and choosing to take from me. I don’t blame you for disappearing. I would never blame you if the blaze of glory took you, or me, or any of us. But if you leave me now, like this, I will never forgive you,” Keith said, his eyes looking desperately into Shiro’s, but Shiro let his eyes drop to the floor again.

Shiro was silent for a moment before breaking Keith’s hands away from his shirt. He held at Keith’s wrists as he stepped into Keith’s room, letting the door slide closed behind him. 

Keith pressed forward again, pushing his lips harshly against Shiro’s. And again, Shiro didn’t pull away. Instead, he pulled Keith closer, one hand firmly on his back, another reaching into his hair and pulling their lips tighter together. Keith dug his fingers roughly into Shiro’s shirt, begging for more, feeling more alive than he had in a long time. 

“We shouldn’t be doing this,” Shiro said when they finally pulled apart. He wiped his mouth on the back of his hand and stepped away until his back was flat against Keith’s door.

Keith looked at him with the eyes of an animal. He was feral and angry and still so afraid of Shiro walking away. 

“That’s my choice,” Keith snapped back. “Stop making decisions for me! I get to choose now. I’m here now! I’m here now!” 

Shiro lifted his hands to cover his face. His shoulders shook lightly and he slid down the smooth door until he sat in a heap on the floor. Keith let his shock manifest for only a second of wide eyed staring before dropping to the floor in front of Shiro and throwing his arms around him. 

Shiro had tears running down his face. He was more scared than Keith would ever be. He’d been through so much more.

“I can’t lose you,” Shiro said through broken sobs. “I though Zarkon was going to kill you. I thought he was going to take you and I am so afraid of losing you.”

“I’m here now,” Keith whispered into Shiro’s hair. “I’m here.” 

Shiro didn’t say anything. He wrapped his arms around Keith’s lithe frame, dragging him in closer. He pressed his face to Keith’s chest, listening to Keith’s heavy heartbeat. 

“What if I lose you?” Shiro asked. “I can’t lose you again.” 

“You never lost me,” Keith whispered. “I was always looking for you. I was always thinking of you. I was always there with you and I will always be with you. I love you.” 

“I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> aye this spiraled into something and not all my points were hit very strong but I had fun and wanted to post it before season two aired. 
> 
> Thanks for reading it and let me know if there are any typos, because I'm sure there are typos lol
> 
> / / 
> 
> My tumblr: http://courtneylej.tumblr.com


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